This Emirates B777 is “brand new” according to Flightradar24 – August 2017 to be exact. As an useless bit of trivia, pilots drop off the last number when describing their Boeing aircraft. So as I am a frustrated pilot of some 50 years, I am flying the”B77…” it is logical as all Boeing aircraft end in the number 7. Hence when you are flying a domestic route with Qantas you can nonchalantly drop into your discussions that you flew on the “B Seventy Three today “! This can either impress your audience or confuse them unnecessarily as they may, rightly so, assume you have significant dyslexia.

One dramatic improvement I noticed was in the toilet- the wash basin is practical in size and shape- at least in BC – again for the FF that is obviously – Business Class. “FF” of course means what it means. I can predict a flood of alternative suggestions from my more creative readers.

Anyway those of you who read my peripatetic blogs immediately realise I am fixated on bathrooms. I have previously described in painful detail the consequences of European shower cubicles and the personal trauma, verging on sexual self abuse suffered from cold rigid stainless steel faucets and complex tapestry inches from ones’ intimate nether regions. Now I shall bemoan the basins!

There is not one amongst you surely who has not visited the bathroom, typically in a cafe or even a home unit built quickly and as cheaply as possible, where the width of the room is so abruptly narrow that ones’ natural inclination is to back out (it is impossible to do an about face) and check that you have not inadvertently walked into the broom cupboard , whilst the actual toilet is next door. No it is the the bathroom – it’s not for a reason that we euphemistically call it “the little room” – don’t get me fired up about Americans who can elect a president called Trump and can’t face reality by calling for the bathroom when they actually want the toilet or in golden days of the empire, “the lavatory”.

Back to basins… I suspect it is what describes a “basic basin” on architectural drawings. Such architects should have their names struck off the register for professional incompetence. The dimensions are such that in a shallow elliptical plastic shell, there is sufficient volume to wash either the right or left hand in a thimble of water, certainly not both. Should you wish to brush your teeth, mercifully one is able to immerse the toothbrush, but then as you bend over to rinse, you suffer a severe case of concussion as the architect has had the foresight to install a small cupboard on the wall over the basin, literally 10.5cm above the basin, which in your frustration to manipulate head, hand, teeth and taps had unbelievably escaped your field of vision. Reeling backwards you rapidly strike the back wall, not surprisingly and foamy toothpaste splatters down your trousers. Delirious, dazed and disoriented you stagger out of the bathroom and navigate back to the cafe, to be confronted by the stunned looks of friends and strangers, who seeing the white stains on your fly , naturally assume that you are a dirty old man who has been up to no good in the lavatory.